Dear Customer

I work in Customer Service for a large travel company, and I have for too damn long a long time. I am good at my job, and am told so by a lot of really awesome customers. But sadly, many of our customers are borderline retarded. Because of my interactions with these second rate customers, I have come to realize that most people are so stupid they don't even deserve to live. If I could, I would find each and every one of these fucktards and burn down their houses just for making me have to talk to them.

Some things I wish I could tell some of these people:

1. If you are immigrating to this country and you are still on the boat and don't speak one word of English, you should not be purchasing non refundable tickets on the internet. Even if your Uncle Abdashi has the only computer in the entire country of Kazakhstan and you, by some miracle, own a Mastercard, you WILL fuck it up. Save yourself the aggravation.

2. If you cannot grasp that when the clock goes from 23:59 and goes to 00:00, it is a new day, then do not buy non refundable tickets booked for date and time. You don't know date or time, so how can you expect to actually be able to buy what you need? If I had a dollar for every customer who thinks that 00:30 is tonight (as opposed to early tomorrow morning) and booked a ticket for the wrong day and then whined and cried about it when they missed their bus by 24 hours and lost their ticket, I could buy a private island in the Caribbean.

3. If you call me and want information on a trip that one of our competitors handles, I cannot give you their info or rates. I cannot provide you with the number (My boss will freak out if I do) and I cannot "just transfer" you over - it is another company. Do you call Walmart to pester them about what Zeller's has on sale? I bet you do, actually. Because you are fucked up like that.

4. Read about what you are buying before you book a non refundable ticket and fuck it up.  You are wasting everyone's time when you don't read a word of Terms & Conditions.  Also, it is not my fault that you do not understand words like "Origin" or "Destination". Don't call me a bitch because you didn't notice the bold red print that states to read your order over carefully, as these tickets are NOT REFUNDABLE. The number of people just punching their credit card numbers in without knowing what they are buying is fucking stunning.

5.  Some people will demanding the moon.  A customer will show up 5 minutes late  and we suddenly owe someone 10 free trips for "pain and suffering".   Guess what?  Show up on time, asshole.  We owe you nothing. If you knew how much we laugh at pussy's like that you would never again call us to tell us how "important" you are and how much we "owe" you.